STRUGGLES DURING THE PROCESS | knowing your self more and working on it

This year 2022, I got a lot of things in my head. Planned my goals, added up my bucket list and many more. This year I wanna be something better than I was last year. 

So I started getting back on track this first week of February because I've noticed that I've been off the grid since the holiday season. It's almost four months of no workouts or anything, even on my diet, I didn't hold myself back on foods because why not? We only live once and I don't wanna limit myself from the things I should have been enjoying. Even if I am on the process of self love and care, that doesn't mean I need to be strict on it. It's like torturing myself which is not really good for my mental health. And also, it's not just the physical fitness and health I was working on. I badly want to have my own space like a place I can call my own, wether it is a home or a business. I just need it. So in order for me to have that I need to grind more. 

But nothing in life comes easy. All of us suffers from different types of pains, illnesses, traumas or any problems, like who doesn't? So as days passed by, I've noticed that I am starting to feel that familiar feeling of emptiness inside me which I thought I already got over with. I guess, that's the reality of life. You just suddenly feel those different kind of emotions even if you are fine. Maybe because I got triggered by the things I am afraid of or something I hate that I already had forgotten. This feelings started coming up to me at once that it makes me loose my control. Which is I am working so hard on with, I am on the process of getting the other sides of me, how I react when I am mad, when I am happy or when I am not my self. I discovered that I often let my emotions or anger even my insecurities eat the whole of me. I admit it feels so devastating not to be able to control myself on times like that that's why I am working on it. 

Working on calming myself, on trying out not to think too much because I know it will only makes things worse, I also distract myself from doing so. I am really trying my best here, I don't know who can feel or relate to me but you are not alone guys. People like me who are so sensitive to almost everything are so hard to deal with, I know. People think we're being selfish or different but little do the know we are also frustrated why we are like this. I mean who wants a complicated mind right? But hey, only the few ones who knew what we are going through and tries to understand us actually are the real ones. So it's ironically an advantage though because we can determine who are the people that deserves to be on our lives. 

Anyways, the bottom line here is let's just get in to discovering more of ourselves. Focus on our growth and goals instead of other people's lives. Let's go be a better person. ✨

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